Friday, January 12, 2007


I've waited this long to update because I've been thinking thoughts. Maybe not thinking so much as sorting. Here's what I have.

  • After seeing how my world had shrunk to the walls of the hospital and those of my bedroom, I decided to join some friends for a wicked New Year's at the Irish Village. Spy Candy performed, people danced and I felt hopelessly out of place. It made me realize I was quite obviously not fashionably sophisticated enough for the place. Still, I found a way to out myself as I always do. Safe boundary lines shifted and blurred and long story short, I found myself waking up on El Dude's couch the following morning with my face on sideways.

  • Later. Not now. After this. Only factor for sure is time will play along as I procrastinate. And it's what I've been doing. A lot. I'm usually known to put the 'pro' in the word but lately I've been stalling just about everything I can afford to (and sometimes cannot) and for each time I've got a ready-made excuse.

  • Been sick for weeks. Feverish, chills, a whack cough and shivering sleepless through the night. And on-calls. I've been dragging myself to work for the last week and a half. All that has been useful to a degree. After all, being sick is the most effective reminder of how nice health is and how much of a luxury it is to be able to stand up straight after you've been curled up fetus-like in constant pain.

  • After having eaten next to nothing throughout the duration of my illness, I began to grow despondent at the lack of food in my fridge. So, today I decided to make up for it with some Pasta (food of champions) from News CafĂ© down at Le Meridian. It didn't taste quite as sexy as the glossy menu shots made it out to be. I left the place with hunger pangs still bellowing out my stomach. Shoot, all I really wanted was to pig out at a decent place, but funds were low. Story of my life.

  • The biggest topic of conversation amongst my friends, colleagues and acquaintances these days has to do with who is graduating, who is staying on for another year, who has applied to the residency program, who is moving back to his/her hometown, who already has a job lined up after graduation, who has taken licensure or some form of postgraduate exam(s). Basically, all conversations center around people who seem to have at least a vague idea of what they're doing, which is more than I can say for myself. It's not that I don't even know what I want to do. It's just that I want to do too many things, which is why decision-making is so troubling. Somewhere in here is a perfect analogy for my indecisiveness and lack of direction and the constantly swiftly-shifted plans that epitomize my life at the moment. Someday I hope to understand it myself. Lately, though, I feel like retiring and I haven't even done anything with my life yet. Tell me, is this slightly problematic?

  • I have a wedding to attend next week and in a desperate attempt to cover the bald patch on my head (one I received after splitting my head open a couple weeks back) I reluctantly went for a haircut. Due to a tragic combination of piss poor judgement and even worse sense of style on the hair stylist's part, much to my dismay I left the place looking so much like a boy that my friend couldn't help but quip, "Put a tux on and attend on the men's side. Tell us what really goes on there". Yes, that much of a boy. Oh, the horror! So, now I'm working on perfecting my disdainful look but it's not working out real well because I have a tendency to roll my eyes and burst into laughter instead.

  • I suspect le boyfriend thinks I'm secretly contemplating of ways to kill him. He's strange like that. But I still love him.

  • I have a Journal Club presentation soon and I'm fresh out of excuses. Tomorrow will come far, far sooner than I like. I'd cancel tomorrow if I could. So, now if you'll excuse me, I need to go be productive and bullshit my way through real life.


Zar said...

Ash, we gotta talk real soon.. uh huh!

Yo Sistah

Deborah Bradley said...

the journal club meeting went quite well. Who doesn't like talking about testicular FNA's and sickly-looking lesions, eh?? ;) Plus look on the bright side, you answered all of dr. Moza's questions... she does take histopathology seriously :) dr. Hassan and dr. Badr were such darlings, as can be expected of the two ;)

and hey good luck next week. I know for a fact dr. badr's inviting the guys over from surgery, oncology, nuclear medicine, endocrinology and all of us from down here. he asked anna to prepare fliers and stick them up in the hospital. Dont worry, honey, ur gonna be great. and get well fast! there's no laughter at work nemore!

Ash said...

Thanks, Deb! I think it's about time I had a little chat with our friend Anna. Don't want her sticking those up, you know. Last time I was up there, they couldn't help taking shots at me (fuel for their superiority complex) and of course the dodging didn't help. Think I'm gonna play dumb this time. Blah!